I'm Done Saying Nothing

I spend more time than I would like to admit, thinking about all the different ways I don't "fit in". That's not the same as saying I don't get along with people, because I generally find a way to do that, unless the circumstances are unbearable. 

Living in rural Indiana, which for the most part has always been a very conservative state, I realize that many of the social issues I support, are not the same issues that take a high priority for many people in the communities I have been a part of during my lifetime. 

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances through social media that I can connect with and have conversations with about more diverse topics, than I have in-person contacts locally, where I live. Many of the people I know locally are registered Republicans, the majority are Trump supporters, many are hardcore 2nd Amendment advocates who have a "Freedom or Die" (or something similar), bumper sticker on their truck. 

I am pro-LGBTQ equality, pro-choice, anti-racist, anti-misogynist, and a free-thinking individual who isn't afraid to go against the status quo. So as you can imagine, there aren't a lot of conversations I can just jump into and give my "two cents" without being looked at like I have two heads. Until recently, I have always lived by the rule that I should just be polite, be the "good girl", and keep my mouth shut, regardless of how much I believe (or don't believe) in something. 

Basically, say nothing. 

However, when it comes to talking about hunting, fishing, or the outdoors, I can hold my own with just about anyone around here. As a matter of fact, I have come to realize that there aren't even that many people around here who want to talk about hunting, as much as I do. It seems like in most cases, I see people's eyes glaze over and they start listening to the other conversations happening at the table, rather than the one they were in with me. But at least I know we have that subject in common, which gives me that ability to relate on some level, to people whom I don't have much else in common with, overall. 

My squirrel gun, a Ruger 10/22.

Being a hunter who owns multiple firearms, being someone who teaches hunter education. which is heavy on firearm safety, being someone who is involved in shooting sports instruction, and honestly just being from where I'm from, many would assume I am one of those hardcore 2nd Amendment advocates who believes that bearing arms is our "God-given right" and has the whole "cold dead hands" mentality. That assumption couldn't be further from the truth. But until now, I have never openly spoke or written about it. 

Again, I chose to say nothing. 

As anyone in the hunting space is aware, when you get involved in many of the traditional conservation groups, especially on a local level, the people running the show have been around for quite a while. Many leaders on the national level of those organizations will admit that there is an "old guard" that will be aging out soon and new, younger members are going to have to get involved and take the reins if these organizations are going to continue to exist. I agree with that assessment. 

I need to say right now, before I go any further, that I appreciate all the time these folks have dedicated over their lives, to these programs. The number of young lives, wildlife, habitat, etc., these volunteers have positively impacted is insurmountable and they deserve the utmost respect for their dedication. I value them and I believe that without their, in some cases, lifelong dedication to those things I just mentioned, we as outdoorsmen and women would be facing a much worse environment while following our passions. 

A few of the organizations that I am personally involved with, have the opportunity to apply for grants each year that provide much needed equipment for programming. The guys (and I am comfortable saying "guys", because the demographic that is generally involved in running programs and deciding what equipment is needed, are older, white men) have been involved in these decisions for twenty or thirty years. There are many who had it engrained in their heads many moons ago, that organizations like the National Rifle Association was there to protect their 2nd Amendment rights and was, overall, a good organization to be a part of. And I think at one time, prior to the mid-1970's, that may have been a fair assessment. Things have changed, the NRA and its motivation has changed, but unfortunately, the unwavering supportive attitudes by many toward the NRA, have not. I want so badly to pull a few guys aside and ask why? Why do you still support this organization? 

But I am scared of being blacklisted, so I say nothing. 

Sighting in my .270 prior to a hunting trip.

I am inwardly and until now, quietly conflicted, even amongst the crowd with whom I share so many passions. I take issue with where that grant money comes from for these local programs, and it is my belief that there is a serious problem in this country when it comes to firearms and violence. I am not a supporter in any way, shape, or form, of the National Rifle Association, for multiple reasons. Yet, many older folks I have volunteered alongside of over the last few years, still wear their NRA hats to events and still peddle NRA banquet tickets every year like they are helping their children win an annual school fundraiser, by selling the most tickets. Many of those same folks openly make disparaging remarks related to the other social issues I mentioned supporting above, and that is extremely hard for me to deal with, which some would say is a different conversation. But in the big picture, is it? 

I love volunteering. Overall, I'm surrounded by an amazing group of people who have given countless hours for these specific organizations and many other programs in our state. When I am surrounded by these folks, I laugh, I learn, and I feel like I am part of a family. But there are times when I hear things that make me cringe, make me feel uncomfortable, or are just fundamentally wrong on a human level. I worry that there are others, "outsiders" if you will, who are there to learn and are new to the hunting community who hear the same remarks, and then quietly decide that maybe this community just isn't for them after all.

Still, I say nothing. 

Teaching firearm safety in my garage, to a friend's daughter.

I say nothing because I feel like I have finally found my purpose. There is no activity I love more than helping people get outdoors, whether that is teaching them how to safely handle a firearm or if it is simply teaching someone how to fish. If you know me, you know it goes way deeper than that, but you understand what I mean. I finally found what I believed was "my people", the one place that I "fit in".  The hunting community felt like home, and I didn't want to lose that. No matter how badly I disagreed with things I heard people say, or read on social media, I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to be banished from the community that I thought I belonged to. 

Gun violence in this country is at epic proportions. I say "this country" because no place else in the world is watching their citizens die the way we are. No one else in the world has sat idle when they see mass murders taking place like it's just another Tuesday. No place else in the world is so selfish, as human beings, that they have decided that it is ok for 10-year-old children to die, just as long as it doesn't interfere with how fast they can purchase a firearm, or what kind of firearm they can purchase. 

"We have rights, damnit! No one is going to take my guns!", we scream as family members across the country are burying their loved ones who were shot down for no other reason, than they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Loved ones who were grocery shopping, loved ones who just made the fourth-grade honor roll, loved ones who were attending a concert with friends, loved ones who were at a nightclub where they felt belonging, loved ones who were at church, loved ones who were just out living their lives. 

"I refuse to wait two weeks". I don't want more paperwork to fill out". "No one is going to tell me that I can't buy military grade weapons". That's what we, as Americans, have been trained to say. "Don't tread on me, or my rights". "It's a mental illness issue, not a gun issue". "It's a God issue, not a gun issue". "Bad guys will still get guns". "Lock up the schools". "I have my 2nd Amendment rights". "They're coming for our guns". All phrases said by millions of Americans before the bodies from the last mass shooting are even in the ground. People I know have said these things.

There I sit, saying nothing.

I started using firearms as an adult, which coincides with when I learned to hunt. I was not raised in a home that sensationalized firearms. Sure, my dad had guns, but other than discussing safety surrounding them, we didn't talk about them. I think my dad owned a shotgun, a .22 rifle and a handgun or two. I rarely saw them, and I wasn't even really curious about them. It wasn't until ten years ago, when I was 36 years old, that I even had a desire to shoot a gun. In other words, we didn't take Christmas card photos with the whole family showcasing an arsenal in our home as we were growing up. Showing off firearms for clout wasn't a thing back then, at least not like it is now, with social media. 

As of today, I probably have more firearms than the average American. I own six firearms for hunting and two firearms that I could carry for self-protection. I ENCOURAGE people, both adults and children alike, to purchase and operate firearms. I WANT people to learn how to shoot a gun. My volunteer efforts are based around shooting a gun. My job is funded by grant money that is gained from firearm and firearm accessory sales. So who the hell am I to say that we need stricter regulations when it comes to purchasing a firearm? My answer: I am EXACTLY the right person. And if you are a reasonable, responsible owner and operator of a firearm, so are you. 

Maybe since I came to firearms later in life, I have been able to keep a perspective that is less cult-like and more focused on treating them in a purposeful and respectful manner. Maybe since I was trained how to respect a firearm and how to instruct others to respect them, I see things differently. I don't equate owning a gun to having power. I don't see owning a firearm as a pathway to becoming a hero. And I certainly don't see owning a firearm as a means to settle a score or to right a wrong.  

I imagine there are a lot of gun owners in this country who feel the exact same way I do, but they too, say nothing, because of the backlash they will receive from their friends, hunting buddies, social groups, or even their families. I think it's time that those of us gun owners who quietly admit that there is a serious gun problem in this country, choose to loudly start using our voices to change the narrative. If not us, the ones who value and respect the privilege of owning firearms that are used in a responsible manner for competition, self-protection, or to provide food for our families, then who?  

I believe there are far more good people out there than bad, just like I believe there are far more responsible gun owners in this country, than criminals. If what I believe is true, how do we stop the bad actors from shooting up grocery stores, schools, movie theatres, open air concerts, night clubs, and the like? We need less people thinking only of themselves and what inconveniences they may experience when purchasing a firearm, and more people actively and openly having hard discussions on what it's going to take to make this senseless violence end. Is your inconvenience of filling out more paperwork for a background check worth another nineteen dead 10-year-olds? Is not having a waiting period on your firearm purchase worth another ten bodies lying dead in a grocery store? Is your opinion on restrictions of high capacity magazines or military grade weapons more important or valued than the lives lost by people just trying to do their jobs at their place of work? If you even consider saying yes, to any of those questions, then you and I are not the same. 

I am tired of saying nothing. 

I may never again be asked to volunteer for the organizations that I love dearly, because I am choosing to say SOMETHING. I may lose every last follower I have on social media because I am choosing to say SOMETHING. I may be ridiculed and called a wacko liberal because I am choosing to say SOMETHING. I may be labeled a traitor or a turncoat because I am choosing to say SOMETHING. I may be shunned in the community I live and breathe because I have finally had enough, and I am choosing to say SOMETHING. 

Knowing that, in the end, when I look back at my life choices and I reflect on how I lived and whether I did the very best I could to help make my small section of the world a better place, I won't regret saying something, because I finally realized that all that time of saying nothing, made me part of the problem.  

It's time the pro-gun owner/anti-gun lobby crowd use the voices we have, if we want to make the changes that are so desperately needed to help end gun violence in this country. We don't have to have all the answers, hell, we don't even have to have the right answers in the beginning. Brainstorm, get together with friends and talk about even the littlest changes, or be bold, go big, and look at what data tells us. What has worked in other countries that have just as many "bad" people, just as much mental illness,  yet have little to no mass shootings? What can we incorporate here that makes sense? How do we meet in the middle with those who refuse to even discuss the idea of reform? Then, contact your elected officials, set up meetings, make phone calls, write letters, and vote.

Just please, I am begging you, say something.